all you need is love

Maybe I should learn to love myself a bit more. Be kinder to myself, be less forgiving with myself, be more accepting of my limitations, and celebrate the little victories that occur. 

Requiem

 How do we actually know when something is not for us? when things don't go the way we envisioned in our mind, or when there is much resistance to the things that we want to do? Even charts have support and resistance zones, what more about life itself? I am beginning to know myself better and I have observed that I define or pride myself on the ideation that I do. Once my ideas get rejected, I get so personal because my ego is bruised. Are my ideas really that bad? are they so worthless that there is no point for consideration? why did I come out up with those silly ideas in the first place? Alas, I have no answers and I need to seek within and without.

Requiem for my ideas and hopefully my ego.

 

Mustard seed

He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” - Matt. 13:31-32

And I took hold of this promise.

the journey

 I invite you to be part of the journey, a new adventure in which anything can happen and things are pretty much unpredictable. The only things that can be depended upon are self-created rules that are anchors in a time of choppiness, uncertainty, and doubt. Faith is pretty much a key ingredient in this journey of ups and downs, and it gives strength to weather through the storms. 

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me - Hillsong

Dreams

I love Lofi music, especially those with hip-hop elements. I just feel so relaxed whenever I am reading/writing stuff with the background music. Imagine life without music, survivable but we miss out on so much. It makes me wonder, what is considered essential in my life? If there is ever a need to sift through all the needs/wants/habits/desires/dreams/goals, what will I choose to retain, what can I let go of? And How do all these things make up who I am?

If you have the opportunity to do something that you could never fail, what would it be? How would it impact you and the people around you? What is that end goal which you are pursuing? Is it for survival? or is it for your dreams/goals/passions?

Dreams/goals are often mired by the need to survive, and we conform our dreams to reality as defined by our current situations. we give up, we change our dreams, we find it childish, impractical to pursue them and we have forgotten about it because we are unable to do it. Some dreams take so much sacrifice that we are not willing to do it, some dreams are beyond our imagination that we are unable to even perceive how that can be done. it is after all a good dream and meant to exist only in our mind and not in reality.

Isn't it amazing that most if not all of us at one point in time, have dreams and goals? Dreams that are beyond our current situations, capacity, and capability. it is like our dreams are on another tier and sphere of knowledge, influence, skillset, etc. Then why have dreams when we cannot achieve them? why have some far-fetched goals that we would easily give up to make do with life? to be more practical? 

If there is no need to eat, would we ever have the need to feel hungry? if there is no danger around us, would we ever need to feel fear? Things exist because there is a need for them, there are no meaningless things in the world of the Creator. Dreams may perhaps be plans given by God and that when we pursue it, we fulfil His plan for us. Dreams are passions, and whenever we think of them, we are so excited by the prospects and the "what will be"s. It is not easy to pursue our dreams definitely because it requires us to level up beyond who we are now, and it is so easy to remain comfortable and to sacrifice nothing for it. Sacrifice is painful and it takes away things from us which we need/want or are comfortable with. but sacrifice is the only way in which we are able to forge a new path beyond our current situations, to take a leap of faith towards the dreams that God has planted inside each of us, to pursue what is given and be fueled by joy unspeakable. And as we pursue them, we see God every step of the way and how He will orchestrate it step by step, if only we are willing to make sacrifices.

May our hearts ignite for God and our dreams and passions be that plans that God gives and honors, as we pursue to make a difference in the world, impacting not just ourselves but the people around us. Dreams are a reality in which God shouts, "I am here with you and I will guide and lead you to the Promised Land". May we have the faith of Moses, Caleb and Joshua and march onwards to the Promised Land, keeping our eyes on Him! 

 

retrospection

I have managed to discover some of my blog posts that dated almost 15 years ago. As I just looked through some of the posts, most if not all of them were so cringy that I can't actually bring myself to read through all of it. It's amazing how I was so proud of my blog last time and always advertised it to my classmates, to invite them to see daily life from my point of view. As I shamelessly wrote about who I missed, how I loved to hang out with this particular person, etc., it is really an eye-opener to the 'me' right now.

And since I have written on and off about my life for the past 15 years, there is one particular post that caught my eye and spoke so much to me, even reminding me how God had enabled me over the years to do the things that I did and it was all Him that gave the growth and nurtured me to who I am today. The blog post was about the first day of my full-time work in God's service. there was so much feeling of inadequateness, about whether I could do well or serve God effectively and perhaps fulfil that calling in my life.

even though I will say that I am quite experienced in my field right now, that feeling of inadequateness has never ever disappeared in any moment where I decide to try out something new, be it ministry or a new area of work. it is always this "what if I fail, what if I don't manage to do well" that is perpetually strangling me. Perhaps God is reminding me today that as I look back, that the negativity is not an indicator that things will turn out bad, it is just a fear of the unknown. More importantly, the past few years of growth has encouraged me that God has brought me through even when I didn't believe in myself, that even in that air of inadequacy, God had used His rod and staff to guide me, which I may not be able to tell in those moments. And that He, Himself the great shepherd is enough for me. 

What is this all about?

I've always fancied myself in a cafe, sitting on a couch, enjoying my drink and people watching. It gives a certain serenity even in the midst of the chatter and the occasional burst of laughter. It is often where inspiration hits me and my creativity takes over. The smell of coffee, the soft texture of the couch, the sights and sounds of the bustling cafe, it just speak so much of life, and how peaceful and simple it can really be. These are moments where the mind goes into this mode of retrospection, or even perhaps settling down to hear the One who is always speaking. 

And there you have it, this is my couch in a virtual cafe, and here are my thoughts about life, God, work, and perhaps more when there is a need to share. 

Welcome to coffee talk with kingdomtide.